


Destiel Fanfic

by becky_was_an_understatement



Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: Castiel in a Female Vessel, Crying Castiel, Destiel feels, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-09 22:42:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3267068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/becky_was_an_understatement/pseuds/becky_was_an_understatement
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean would never love Castiel as himself, he had to accept that, but every time he looked in the mirror he got that same feeling, like he had just been punched hard in the gut, the same heartbreaking reminder that Dean could never possibly feel the way that Cas felt. That’s why he’d spent weeks searching for a new vessel. A vessel that Dean couldn't say no to. It was because no matter how hard he tried, he would never ever get over Dean. He would always be hopelessly, desperately, irrationally, in love with him, and he would never be able to forget it. Cas couldn’t let it go, and so finally, he decided that if Dean wouldn't be with him as himself, maybe, just maybe, he could love him if he thought he was just another random hot chick he met at a bar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Destiel Fanfic

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of the first fanfics I've ever written and the first one I've ever posted so I would love it if you could tell me what you thought of it!

Cas’s hands trembled as he attempted to fix the hair of his new vessel. She was pretty. Gorgeous, actually. She was fucking perfect. Castiel bit his lip to hold back a sob while a single tear slid silently down his cheek. He’d really stooped this low. Dean would never love Castiel as himself, he had to accept that, but every time he looked in the mirror he got that same feeling, like he had just been punched hard in the gut, the same heartbreaking reminder that Dean could never possibly feel the way that Cas felt. That’s why he’d spent weeks searching for a new vessel. A vessel that Dean couldn’t say no to. It was because no matter how hard he tried, he would never ever get over Dean. He would always be hopelessly, desperately, irrationally, in love with him, and he would never be able to forget it. Cas couldn’t let it go, and so finally, he decided that if Dean wouldn’t be with him as himself, maybe, just maybe, he could love him if he thought he was just another random hot chick he met at a bar. So Cas stood alone in a hotel room, carefully fixing his makeup to hide the tear smudge (he’d done hours of thorough research on these sorts of things) so that he could go out and find Dean. He slipped on some stilettos, and being an angel, appeared a split second later in the parking lot of the bar he knew Dean would be at. He walked inside, twirling a curl around a manicured finger, just like Glamor Magazine had suggested he do, and scanning the room for Dean. He spotted him easily and strutted over, sliding gracefully on to the bar stool next to him. Dean turned to face him, smiling that perfect half smirk half grin that drove Cas crazy. Cas, remembering what he’d read, bit his lip suggestively, his piercing blue eyes lingering on Dean’s perfect lips.  
“Hey,” Cas murmured with a small smile.  
“Hey,” Dean said smoothly back, “can I buy you a drink?”

 

The night went by as a blur for Castiel. They chatted, and Dean, clearly an expert, flirted while Cas did his best to keep up. And then they were getting up, Dean was paying, they were getting into the Impala, and driving back to Dean’s motel room. Cas’s heart pounded in his chest, and his mind raced franticly, a mix of excitement, and apprehension, as well as a deep sadness over the fact that this was the way it had to be.

 

It began like any other night for Dean. He was at a bar, Sammy was out doing research, and he was hitting on some girl. But this time, something felt different. The chick he was talking to wasn’t quite like all the other ones, and Dean was really starting to like her. Usually, girls who were this beautiful were much more confident. They knew they were hot and they knew the effect they had on people and you could tell that they knew it. But this girl was different. She was a little awkward, and seemed slightly nervous. She didn’t totally understand everything Dean said and she’d do this thing where she cocked her head slightly and look at him inquisitively while she thought for a second about what she was going to say. She was definitely not stupid, but, rather, simply seemed relatively new to all of this. The way she acted wasn’t weird or creepy or anything (honestly, Dean thought it was kind of cute), and, in fact, and it reminded Dean of someone. Of Castiel. Actually, everything these days reminded him of Cas. That’s probably because he could never get that goddamn angel out of his mind. Dean loved him—really, really, loved him. He loved pretty near everything about him, from the way he was able to choose his own path and follow his own orders, to the way that he always tried to do the right thing--he always tried so fucking hard to help in any way that he could. Dean noticed all of this, even though not everyone could. He noticed it and he loved it, just as much as he loved those those deep blue eyes, perfectly tousled hair and, that stupid, adorable trench coat Cas always wore. But Dean, being Dean, could never bring himself to confront Cas. Instead, he hooked up with random women for the soul purpose of finding some sort of distraction from that hopeless case. He knew he Cas would never love him back, and it killed him every damn day to think about it. So he’d fuck people whose name’s he’d forget within a week and drink until he passed out because it was just too much to deal with that emptiness he felt without Cas, driving him crazy every second of every day since he’d first laid eyes on the angel. So here he was again, driving home with a drop dead gorgeous girl who reminded him too much of the one person he needed to forget, while Cas’ name pounded relentlessly inside his head.

 

  
When they finally got back to Dean’s room, they didn’t waste a second. Dean unlocked the door, and they stumbled together on to his bed. Dean gently pushed the girl down onto her back, sliding the straps off her shoulders. She looked up at him, brows pulled together, mouth slightly open, head tilted a little to the side.  
Dean froze.  
No.  
No, no, no, no, he knew that look. 

“Cas” 

He whispered the name so softly, as if he was almost afraid to say it.

“W-what?” Castiel choked out. But there was really no hiding it now. Cas had no clue how he should respond, or how to he could possibly convince Dean he was just another girl.  
“Cas? Cas, what are you doing?! That’s you in there isn’t it?”  
Dean was sure it was him now. He knew Cas. His mind raced and his heart pounded so loud he thought he was going to explode. He tried to wrap his head around what the fact that he was sitting in a hotel room with girl-Cas who had just spent the night flirting with him. And, not to mention, who he had just been about to have sex with.  
“Cas what is going on?” Dean said, more quietly this time.  
Cas hung his head, unable to look Dean in the eye. Finally he spoke "Dean... I...I just... I thought you would like this vessel better because... I just... never mind I'll just go " Cas stood up and turned towards the door. His shoulders were slumped and his eyes down cast. He was so stupid so damn stupid for thinking this would work. And now Dean would never speak to him again. The one person he cared about more than anything in the world probably hated his guts. A tear rolled down his cheek.  
His hand trembled over the doorknob when Dean finally spoke.  
"Cas stop" Dean said hoarsely, his voice breaking. "Cas... I would have never wanted you to change your vessel"  
Cas paused, hesitantly turning around.  
"Cas you're a goddamn angel how could you have missed this? I've been in love with you ever since I laid eyes on you. Cas I can never get you out of my fucking head, man. You are practically my world. You and Sammy. I'll I've ever wanted was for you to love me the same way but not like this. I wouldn't want you to change--not at all. I don't want a different vessel I want you, Cas. I," Dean's voice dropped to a near whisper, "I love you."


End file.
